The Adventures of Lunebelle: A Fan of Lindsey Kelk

I just finished reading “I Heart Vegas” by Lindsey Kelk. It’s the 4th installment of her “I Heart Series“. Well, if you would click on the link you will be directed to Goodreads where the summary for each book is posted. I’m kind of lazy to put up my own summary and by the way, I’m not good with summaries. Every time I’d attempt to make one I just end up babbling that about two to three paragraphs of the “summary” will consist of non-related content. This isn’t supposed to be a book review any way. So yeah, I won’t tell you a summary.

I came across one of Ms Kelk’s works sometime in March. I can’t remember if it’s before or after my birthday. I just wanted something light, cheery and cheesy to read after reading the Fifty Shades trilogy for the second time. I have always been a hopeless romantic and I am still wishing that one a day the right guy would just show up and and sweep me off my feet.

So, anyway, I saw The Single Girl’s To Do List in Goodreads and thought of giving it a try. I loved the book so much that after finishing the story I read it again two days later. Last week, I decided to try the “I Heart Series”. Mainly because I’m already getting bored about worrying about my online shop and partly because I want to recharge my inspiration level that was almost going down to zero.

The books are not really one of kind. Just like any other chic lits, they’re hilarious, romantic and supposed to give you a smile. But what I do “love” about them is that I could almost see my life in them. Well, not really the drinking booze first thing in the morning or the shopping til you drop part. Firstly, I’m allergic to alcohol. There has been no single event where my face didn’t turned red when I drank a beer, vodka or tequila. It’s been one of my fantasies to party til dawn though. Not that I have never experienced it. But still, I would like to do that more often. As for the shopping part, I would absolutely want to try buying an expensive lingerie at least once in my life, but right now I am jobless and moneyless and I can’t get a credit card even though I had already tried.

So, here’s the part where my life is kind of related to the story. Four years ago, I experienced my major heartbreak. And that heartbreak led me to moving out of my lovely and comfortable home and then living in an apartment in an ever so busy city and working for a company that helped me bring out the best in me. It was awesome. I was in a totally new place, with totally new friends and totally new life. I learned to fix myself up and developed a love for clothes and shoes and bags. It’s been one of the best days of my life, or years. It was awesome until I got tired of working in the office for almost twelve hours everyday. I had always thought that there is no way of leaving a job that was my dream job. But then I realized that there is also no way of doing a thing and staying in a place where you’re no longer happy. I wanted to breathe and I wanted to try something new. Something that I could do the whole day without having to drag myself just to be able to do it.

I mentioned before on my previous post that I keep different sorts of lists. To-do lists, shopping lists, dreams lists.. And this is why I smiled when I learned that the protagonist in The Single Girl’s To-Do List also had this obsession on lists. And that her mother is a fan of the zodiac signs. Did I mention before that I am a fan of the zodiac? No, I think not. But yeah, I am and I am a Pisces.

Reading the ‘I Heart Series”, “I Heart New York” especially, led me to thinking about my life. I am already past the “Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella” part of my life where I was stuck in a crossroad and had to choose between a fast paced life and a simple but happy life. I left my job months ago and now I’m stuck in my lovely and comfortable home. For five months, I’d been thinking what I would really like to do with my life. I no longer want to wake up at 6a.m everyday to prepare for my 9a.m job. I have always loved colors and vibrancy. My most favorite task on former job is creating PowerPoint presentations where I could choose and design layouts and color schemes. And so Rachel Summers, the girl in the Single Girl, being a make up artist, inspired me to enroll in a make up school as soon as I can already pay for it. My new found love for make up actually started when I was asked to stand as make up artist during a graduation. I was more than happy to try the new skills that I learned from Youtube and even more happy to stay in a classy hotel for free. On the other hand, Angela Clark, I Heart’s leading lady, is a writer, her boyfriend a lead singer of a band, her best friend a hotel concierge turned stylist, all do not worry about waking up at 6 in the morning to get to and stay in the office for twelve hours. I would like to be a stylist one day. I have this friend, who also happen to be my business partner, would text me sometimes to ask what outfits she would wear in the office for the week. And then I’ll even be happier to instruct her what and what not to wear.

After reading these books, I came up with new ambitions and plans, like becoming an entrepreneur (already started this), a make up artist, stylist, blogger (kinda but not quite yet), and photographer. Well, I thought about the photographer part and I sort of realized that carrying heavy equipment every photo shoot is not so girly. So maybe not a professional photographer then, more of like a photo blogger really.

I’d like to think that everything could just be so easy like one, two, three. Angela Clark, a full-blooded Brit, just went to New York and had a whole new life. I already did that anyway. Not move to New York of course, but running away and finding a new life in a different city. It’s just that maybe I got too excited at first and now all the excitement has worn off. And that I am stuck at home with no idea how to restart given that I am jobless and moneyless and without a credit card. I have thought of finding a new job by the way, if you’re going to suggest that. It’s basically the most sensible thing that one would be able to think of at times like these. I can’t go on “vacation” all my life surely? It might be OK to wake up early (since everyday I keep on promising myself that I’ll be a morning person) and stay at work for twelve hours, as long as the “work” would involve me having heart-to-heart talks with my creative side. I have decided months ago that I am not a robot. And I surely wouldn’t waste more years of my life doing something that I don’t specially love.

This afternoon, after I got to the last page of I Heart Vegas, a thought came to mind. Maybe the city where I used to live is not the right place for me. Maybe this place that I am calling my home is not the right place for me. Maybe there is some place out there that is the right place for me and I haven’t found it yet. And maybe if I stopped hibernating in this lovely and comfortable home of mine and just go out there, get myself connected, then I would have greater chances of being able to do all my heart’s desires.

 

So Ms Lindsey Kelk, yes I’m talking to you even though there is only very little possibility that you might stumble upon this blog. I would just like you to know that I am now a fan of yours. Really, I still think it’s awesome that you’ve mentioned lists and zodiac signs in your books. Will you believe that a guy friend of mine, who so used to believe that horoscopes are fake, now checks our horoscopes everyday because of my influence? He even has this compatibility app installed on his phone and talks about zodiac signs personalities a lot more often than me.

What I’m really trying to say is, your books inspire me. And I’ve believed long ago that there’s no such thing as coincidence. Finding about your books during this point in my life is not just timely, maybe it’s what they call fate. Maybe you’re my hero. Maybe Angela Clark, or Rachel Summers.

I am not saying that I would like to try everything that the books told, like waking up naked next to a stranger. But I strongly think that what’s really missing in my life is passion, thrill and fun. There are times when I would just like to go crazy and do stupid stuff. And I would want to do those stuff with crazy, stupid friends. But most of all, I would like to believe that one day, I will meet my own Alex or Dan, a super hot but not so super perfect guy, who’s definitely a Cancer or a Scorpio, whom I could share my passion, my dreams and my life.

Those pretty little things

This year is a new start. A fresh and brand new start.

Time is too prescious to waste.
Wake up early in the morning and feel the cold morning breeze.
Savor the scent and taste of a bittersweet coffee. And then think about your future, as if you’re watching a silent movie.
Enjoy the heat of the sun, together with the calming wind in the afternoon.
Or you could go to the beach, lie down in the sand, and listen to the music of the sea.
Eat healthy and delicious food. Meet new people and engage in meaningful conversations.
Go to a park or climb a mountain, whichever you like.
Adore a flower if you see one. Take a picture of it if you must.
Look up at the clear blue sky and thank God that you’re alive.
Sing at your highest tone even though it sounds crazy.
Do silly things with friends and laugh out loud. Cherish these wonderful moments and then years from now look back.
Whenever you feel sad, treat yourself with ice cream or your favorite sweet. Don’t worry about getting fat, just don’t get lazy about your daily run or exercise.
Once in a while, pause with whatever that’s keeping you busy and then breathe, life will go on anyway, no need to rush. 🙂
At night, go outside and be amazed by the moon and stars.
Gaze at the sweet glow of Venus or Jupiter, and then tell yourself,
“This year I intend to be a better person. I’m going to realize my dreams and aspirations no matter what.
I’ll write everything that I’d like to do so that I won’t forget. One by one, I’ll mark completed targets off my list.
And then one day, I’m going to look back at my old self and smile at how far I’ve gone and who I have become.
The next day, the next hour is lying ready for me, as perfect and unspoiled, as if I have never wasted any single moment of my life.
Time is too prescious to waste. I choose to be who I really am and do the things that I love. It’s absolutely alright to run if I want to get there fast, but I will not forget to rest once in while and enjoy every bit of those pretty little things in life.” 🙂

People Change, So As Our Priorities Pt, 2

It’s been 3 years since I left blogging…
A lot have changed around here. I have changed.
I can’t describe the feeling of looking back at old posts. It’s like reading someone else’s mind. Well, I realize now the good thing about writing down your feelings and ideas. You get the chance to remember your old self.
There’s this one post from long ago, “People Change, So As Our Priorities“, that left me feeling bittersweet.
I wrote this 3 years ago, before I started working. Reading it again made me remember how I felt back then.
Now I’m feeling almost the same with how I felt when I wrote it – afraid and excited.
In the 3 years that I’d been gone, I almost forgot about most of the things that I used to do. I became too occupied with work, the new environment and the new people I’ve met. I was so giddy on my first months in the office. It was like, “whoa, I’m officially an office girl!”.
The first year was a bit hard. I was not earning much, but that wasn’t important because I like what I do. I’ve met new friends, I experienced parties, I learned how to drink tequila. ;p
I loved everything about my career. I was being recognized and I’ve gotten a number of company awards. That was the first time that I felt at home in a different place. Every year I got promoted and I saw myself being a team lead at the age of 25, and then a manager before I reach 30.
I am 23 now. I believe my visions are not impossible. I might even be promoted to Team Lead by next year…
But.
I’m beginning to change visions.
This whole year, I was carrying a baggage – the terrible feeling of going each day to work and wishing that you don’t have to. My work is VERY stressful. We talk to clients, we provide them the services they need. We have to please them every time. I wasn’t feeling the stress at first because I thought that I like this. I LOVE this. I’m a high performer. And I can now buy the things that I never had before.
When I was promoted last year as an Analyst, I started to doubt. Do I still want this? Do I still want to lead? Do I still want to manage?
Yes I’m earning more than most of my classmates in college.. but I feel like I’m missing a huge part in my life. There was the time when I had to work on a midshift, that’s from 3pm to 1am. I was always lacking sleep and so tired the whole week that I can only afford to sleep on the weekend. I’ve handled different types of clients, from the kindest to the fiercest. I had cried a number of times just because I was so tired of pleasing everyone.
I was so sad, and one can obviously see that because I’m not the type of person who’s good in pretending. I was sad not only because I was so stressed out, but because my visions of my future are becoming dimmer and dimmer, until they became black.
For the past months, I’ve been through a lot of coaching and counseling. Most of them would say that I’ve come this far and that I should not give up. I’m one of the luckiest persons when it comes to opportunities. The managers and the leads that I’ve worked with have gone panicky when I said that I was resigning last August. They don’t want me to go. And I appreciate that thought very much. For some people, they would have just easily approved resignation without a doubt. So I decided to stay.
To help me overcome demotivation and get me back on track, I was given less stressful tasks. My current client is very understanding. She even requested me to be part of her team.
But then I still feel like something is not right. There had been signs that told me to go but I ignored because I’m thinking that maybe all of these will all just pass. Maybe next year will be better…
I am afraid and I’m sad about giving up my career. If I leave all of these, where will I go next? There are no ideas coming to my mind because this is all I know. I couldn’t find the answer because I lost the light that’s leading me to my dream…

if we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives

Last week, I talked to my current manager and the primary thing that he asked is what’s basically causing my disengagement? I said I don’t know, maybe I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want office work anymore. And then I didn’t have to explain myself because he has already mentioned all the things that I’ve been thinking about, but I wasn’t sure if those are the right things to do. He said that I’m young and I shouldn’t stress myself out with over-thinking. I should explore and enjoy the world. I should do all the things that I want to do. He said that I wouldn’t want to think about all of these when I reach 30 and regret the times that I let slip away. I should take a break, think of what I really want to do. If I had to resign, then I should resign. And when the time comes that I realize that I want to go back, I can always come back. He encouraged me not to be afraid, and if I’m only thinking about financial consequences, the happiness that material things can give me is just temporary. What my heart is saying is what’s more important.
Hearing him say these things made me smile. I couldn’t agree more. The following day, brilliant ideas started to light up in my mind, like real light bulbs. That was the first time in months that I felt excited.
I want to blog again. I want to start a business, a small business. And then this morning I could see myself again, years from now. 🙂
Maybe that’s the way life’s designed. Sometimes, you have to let go of the things that you want to get what you deserve. I know it’s still a long way and I haven’t even got to the middle of my journey, but I know I can do this. I was able to get through hard times before, I can do it again now. 🙂

People Change, So As Our Priorities

Isn’t it nice to just sit and relax in a cozy coffee shop, chat with some friends, and have a look at everything and everyone around you?
In a few days i don’t know if i’ll still be able to do that.
It has been a month now since my schooling life ended, and here I am, wasting time.
With life going on like this, money problems here and there, I should really be anxious to get a job.
Don’t get me wrong, I am really anxious.
But…
You know the thought that comes to mind sometimes…
I want to have a break. I mean, to just rest for a while. enjoy the day without worrying about anything.
Before graduation, I was so excited of enjoying the summer. I kept on thinking that once school is over, I’ll have control of my time, sleep all day, go to the mall, internet ’til dawn….
After graduation, I am able to do these things, but I am still stressed out as ever. I am worried about getting a job.
Two days ago, I had my very first taste of a coffee jelly as a treat from my friend’s birthday. She can be lovely at times. that girl. 🙂
She’s been filling me in with stories of how city life is lately.
Not that I have no knowledge of what a city looks like at all.
I’ve been on a city a lot of times, let me tell you. 🙂
But this time, it’s different.
I am actually going to live in a city.
For twenty years, I’ve been living in a province.
okay, I live in a province, but we have malls and establishments here too, so I am not that girl who wears long skirts and picks apples from a tree.
I’m not saying a thing but my friend knows what i’m thinking.
It’s being excited and afraid at the same time.
I know I can cope up. But there’s just a lot of things that i’ll miss here.
I’ll miss living like a princess. I’ll miss the fresher air. I’ll miss the peace and quiet. I’ll miss my mother.
I’ve been living and sleeping beside her ever since and I’m dreading the day that I’ll finally go and sleep in a different place. Yes, I am a mama’s girl. 🙂
Once I find a job, I’ll have lots of responsibilities. and one of the things that I hate is responsibility.
I believe that my friend really does empathize with me. there is this thing she said one time in the conversation that I have already thought about a lot of times these past few months.
She said this, “When I was in high school, all I thought about was how to accomplish a homework. Now, I’m thinking about the real world.”
All I can do is smile and think, “so people change and so as our priorities.”
She’s absolutely right.
Once I find a job, I’ll have to help my sister pay rent, electric and water bills and food. I’ll have to think about how I’ll survive on my own.
I want to help my mom. I want to give her everything she needs. I don’t want her to work anymore. I want her to sleep early at night and enjoy a nice cup of coffee in the morning. I want to buy her a complete set of make up, bags and different scents of perfumes. I’ll buy her pretty and comfortable dresses. I’ll pay the house helpers for her…
I may be doing nothing for now, looks like thinking about nothing, but these are what I want to do in my life.
And in one week, I’ll have a start.
***
I am reading another Sophie Kinsella book, it’s called Undomestic Goddess.
Sometimes I wonder about coincidences. is there really such a thing?
Maybe just great timing.
The book is saying something about different paths.
One is the way to your dream and the other is the way to your happiness.