My idea of unwinding after a day at work
I want to write something.
But I can’t think of a particular topic to write about because my head is crammed with various thoughts of equal importance to me.
Maybe, I’m just like Augustus Waters. (Or maybe because Ansel Elgort is messing with my head. And I can’t think properly because every time I look at my phone, I see his face on my home screen.)
My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.
The Fault in Our Stars, John Green
I had quite a gloomy day yesterday.
There’s really nothing wrong with the day, actually. It’s just that there are some days when I don’t feel happy. Because I’m an over-thinker. And yesterday is one of the days when all thoughts and ideas that popped in my head since 2013 decided to visit my not so little head. What happens when all these thoughts swim in your head? You get overwhelmed. And depressed.
Well, what really caused my bad mood is the want to go out and go somewhere far away. You know those times when you just want to run away without any idea where you’re going? I wanted to do that yesterday. I wanted to go to somewhere where no one knows about me and stay there for a while. A month maybe or a week. I just wanted to be away and clear my head.
It’s not really hard to do you know. I’ve done it before. Last year, I checked in alone in a hotel for the first time in my life and then the following day I went somewhere I know but didn’t really know how to get there. I totally relied on Google Map. And yeah, I was able to go home alive after two days so I think it’s reliable. Just don’t rely on it too much. I had to find a coffee shop for almost an hour, walking endlessly until the people started staring because they realized I was lost but just didn’t dare to offer help because I was totally playing it cool like I totally knew the place, but they knew I didn’t because I probably didn’t look like I lived there and I was carrying a huge backpack on my back, just to learn after having the courage to finally ask someone for directions that the coffee shop that I was looking for is a few kilometers away from where I’d been looking.
So, to cut my long story of a crappy day short, I couldn’t go anywhere because I don’t have money. Every time I’d try to do a root cause analysis of my issues, the answer to all why’s boil down to MONEY, and to be able to have money, I need to find a new job. But I don’t want to find a new job. OK, I know I’m making my own problems here. I do need to find a new job, whatever that might be.
Because I just wanted to get out of the house, I went to the mall and spent more than 600 pesos off my savings and I don’t regret it. I think a girl’s one cure for an emotional day, aside from ice cream, is shopping. They say money can’t buy happiness. Yes, while that may be true in general, I think that buying something for myself can make me happy at least, whatever it is. Because it makes me think that I did had a crappy day, but I surely haven’t run out of reasons to be happy.
This is how I would define myself these days.
You see, I have this daily list of things to do that I write on my yellow Starbucks planner. I guess I developed the habit of making lists 2 years ago because I had plenty of tasks on my former job. But since I am already unemployed, my day would basically consist of waking up at 7, 8 or 9 in the morning, play Candy Crush and this game called The Tribez, eat, drink coffee, play Candy Crush and the Tribez again, nap a little (sometimes not), check Instagram, Facebook and email and see if our online shop is making any progress, follow celebrities and style bloggers, answer a few orders and inquiries, play again.. until the day is over and I have to sleep again for the night.
Yeah, my life is kinda boring.
This is not actually how I envisioned myself five months ago when I left my job. At the start of the year, I was very ecstatic, thought about lots of plans and dreams and had them listed down. But as the months passed by I’m getting lazy and lazy that I just want to lie down and play Candy Crush. My problem is that at most times I think of too many ideas and things to do, however, when I am already about to start doing them one by one, I get distracted by other unimportant things, like checking Instagram and Facebook, and playing Candy Crush. Yeah, I am so addicted to Candy Crush that right after typing the title of this post, I resumed playing the game and consumed all my lives, before I really started writing.
Going back to my lists, I have written down some to do’s, some even dated since January, that I am not able to do until now. Like writing a blog post. And doing my manicure and pedicure. If there is one sure thing that I’m sure I’m very good at – it’s procrastinating.
I feel bad about this ugly habit. I was not able to continue my 365 Days of Picture Writing project anymore. I stopped in February I think, I don’t know. I still had these pictures from February that I haven’t been able to post anymore. I kept on promising that I would catch up but then I’m no longer able to take pictures and now it’s May. I’m still thinking on how would I be able to continue the project. Should I just start again this month? But then it wouldn’t be 365 days anymore. Or should I just wait until next year? Oh, it’s bad right? I know.
Maybe what gave me the inspiration to write today are the two cups of coffee that I drank since this morning.
By the way, I changed my theme to Manifest. It’s equally simple and minimalist as my previous theme. While I still like the “Spun” theme, I think it’s a bit complex to navigate, especially if one has just seen my blog for the first time. For instance, the widgets are hidden as well as the “leave a comment” link that you have to click an almost invisible button to make them appear. So I settled for “Manifest”. Besides, I have liked this theme since the time when my blog was still hosted by Blogger. I tried applying it then but Blogger (or the template, or I, whichever) couldn’t make the fonts appear as I would like them to appear. Too much HTML editing needed that it had consumed too much of my time and effort already that I just gave up and switched to WordPress.
OK. So this post is a bit long already. I guess I need to develop my summary skills. After I’ve published this, I plan to take new pictures of our new set of dresses to post on our online shop. I you happen to read this not so meaningful post and you happen to reside in the Philippines, I hope you would consider checking our shop via Facebook or Instagram. Or if you are a guy and you have a wife or a girlfriend who’s highly into fashion, you might want to be extra romantic and give her a gift? I swear we’re legit. 🙂
P.S. I might play Candy Crush again after publishing this post. If you’re curious on what level I am at right now, it’s Level 566.
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